What's Making Me Happy This Week

1. Streaming services - in a time like this, it is nice not to have to depend on a place like Blockbusters or regular TV only.  Maybe it's not ideal and probably keeping us in front of the TV more than if we didn't have it, but it is nice to be able to search for movies or full runs of shows to keep our minds off of the real world.



2. Smart movies and TV shows.  There are so many GOOD movies and shows out there.  Yes, it's great to have the fun and not so serious stuff, but a really good smart show keeps my mind occupied more than something not so deep.
3. Speaking of good movies, I'm SO grateful that our kids can appreciate amazing old movies.  We are starting to watch movies off the American Film Institute's Top 100.  https://www.afi.com/afis-100-years-100-movies-10th-anniversary-edition/ On Sunday April 26th, we watched Rear Window (1954).  Damian chose it off the list.  They loved it!  What I found so interesting is that it is still a thriller - sometimes, scary movies don't hold up.  But because there are no special effects (well, except for one that was cheesy but didn't effect the enjoyment of the movie), the content of the movie was still so enjoyable and both kids were mesmerized to the end.  Hitchcock was definitely a master.


4. The ability to let go.  I was taking a psychology class at LAVC this spring.  After much debate, I dropped it because I just don't think I have it in me to continue it right now.  It was a tough class.  I am still taking sociology though.  
5. Incremental goals!  I set a goal of 20,000 steps last week and I did it!  Total of 21,235 steps for the week (plus another 215 on the one day I didn't go out last week).  Roughly 3,000 steps a day.

#corona #covid19 #coronavirus #zoommeetings #zoom #family #livinglavidacorona #livinlavidacorona #socialdistancing #socialdistance #girlpower #friends #happierpodcast #happierathome #whatsmakingmehappy #netflix #instagram #walking #20in2020 #twenty #wordoftheyear #onewordtheme #goals #movies #AFItop100 #americanfilminstitute #oldmovies #rearwindow #jamesstewart #gracekelly #alfredhitchcock #hitchcock #mystery #thrillers

What's Making Me Happy This Week

1. My Girl Scout troop.  We had our first Girl Scout Zoom meeting last night! So good to see everyone’s smiling and silly faces - what a mood lifter. We’ll make it through this weird time together!


2. My Girl Scout Service Unit Management Team!  We had a zoom happy hour on Wednesday night. Another uplifting moment!


3. Trying to be crafty with the Cricut.  Cut out a small mandala that we are going to iron on to 9 different canvasses and then each of us take 3 to paint in.  Maybe we'll be done by next week's post.


4. Damian's university resumed classes this week online.  Students have to log on to live lectures at the classes' regular time.  There are pros and cons to doing it this way but I think the biggest pro is that it forces Damian to be back on his regular schedule for the 4 days he has classes.


5. I was able to get my diabetic medicine delivered to me by CVS.  So happy to see my refills arrive within 2 days of ordering them!

#livinlavidacorona #girlscouts #girlpower #friends #socialdistancing #zoom #zoommeeting #sillyfaces #girlscoutsrock #girlscoutmeeting #girlboss #happierpodcast #happierathome #whatsmakingmehappy

A day of celebration and faith

It's June 7th and it's a momentous day for a few reasons. 

1. It's my parents' 48th wedding anniversary!

Happy 48th wedding anniversary to my parents, seen here
with Damian at Woodbury University.

2. Damian is graduating from high school!

I've already cried twice today and it's only 9:30am. 

A very sweet and dear teacher friend was telling me today about how she admired me and the ways in which I support my children.  Her own kids are grown up and she has grandkids so she said she has the gift of experience and wanted to tell me how she was so proud of me and Chris.  She sees that we will be reaping the rewards of our efforts today with our kids and she understands how hard it can be and empathized with me having to let Damian take a different path than what I had envisioned for him.  Mrs. B. totally made me cry in the middle of class. She and I have always had amazing conversations and I just love her so much.

A word that kept coming up over and over in my mind was FAITH.  I have a MyIntent bracelet with that word on it.  I chose that word because I sometimes have to remind myself that I need to keep faith that things will work out the way that is best for all involved, specifically my children.  Today, specifically for Damian. 

What a wild ride the last 4 years have been.  But with all those ups and downs, all those times I was worried about him and wondering how he would navigate this world which can be extremely cruel and unfair to the LGBTQ community and especially to the Transgender community, all those times of doubt about whether I was doing the right thing...it all lead up to this moment of him this morning before going off to his last day of school:

June 7, 2018 - Last Day of High School!

He's handsome, confident, and happy.  He's excited about his future at Woodbury University. As my teacher friend said, he is mental and emotional ready to take on this world.  What a gift his presence has been in our lives!  I can't imagine him any other way.  I feel as though I have really gotten to know him after his transition.  It's a blessing that he was so brave and felt safe enough to come out to us and live his authentic life.  

Damn I am just so PROUD of this kid!  More pics coming after tonight's graduation!

August 15, 2017 - First Day of Senior Year.

First quarter 2018

Well, so much for posting more.  In my last post on December 29th 2017, I talked about posting more.  What the heck!  It's April.  Guess the joke's on me!

A lot has happened in the first three months of 2018.

Damian:
January 18 - We received approval from Damian's health insurance for his top surgery!
January 20 - Damian and I marched in the Women's March and Damian registered to vote!
February 8 - Damian turned 18!
February 11 - Damian had his top surgery! (More on this in a different post!)
February 26 - After two weeks home recovering, Damian was cleared to go back to school.
March 6 - Damian got accepted to his top college choice, Woodbury University!
March 13 - We found out that he was awarded $20,000 in a merit scholarship for Woodbury!!

Nadia:

January 13 - Nadia auditioned for Ballet West summer intensive.
January 17 - She found out that she got in!
February 4 - Nadia competed in Round 2 of The Music Center's Spotlight Awards
February 9 - Nadia competed in YAGP semi-finals in Las Vegas
February 17 - Nadia competed in California Dance Classics (and got Honorable Mention for her solo!)
February 18 - Nadia competed with her class in California Dance Classics (and got 2nd place for their ensemble!)
Week of February 21-26 - Performed in her first musical theater show with CHAMPS.
March 10 - Nadia competed with her class in YAGP semi-finals in Los Angeles
March 11 - Nadia competed in YAGP semi-finals in Los Angeles
March 11 - We found out that her class got 3rd place for their ensemble at YAGP LA!
March 19 - We found out that her class was invited to compete in NYC in the YAGP finals!  They will be going the weekend of April 13-16.

It is now April 1st, and the tail end of spring break...all the aforementioned has been great news.  And yet, looking back, I have been a ball of stress for the first three months of this year.  I have come to realize that I should post more, if only to remind myself of all the good things in my life and be learn to be grateful more often (I AM grateful, but it seems to always be overshadowed in my mind with the things that I am worried about (more about what that is in my next post).

One more thing that happened on January 4 - since I was not happy with any of Damian's senior pictures, I asked a friend of mine through Girl Scouts to do a photo shoot for Damian.  It ended up being a session for both Damian and Nadia.  The pictures are amazing and I'm thrilled with them.  If you're looking for a family photographer, and want to meet a wonderfully kind and caring woman to boot, I highly recommend my friend Linda Bradley. 

Taking Stock: Fall 2017

In doing some research about Bullet Journaling, I came across this list on www.meatmeetsmike.com that many seem to use in Bullet Journaling.  I thought it would be a good way to end 2017 on my blog since I haven't posted since September.

September?!?! Honestly where has the time gone? I have thought of many topics to write about but just haven't done it.  I really want to change that but I'm not sure what the best recourse for that would be for me.  Two schools of thought: schedule it out once a week or even once a month or go all in with a sentence or two every day.

I'll get back to that in a bit to decide.

For now, taking stock of Fall 2017:

Making: Small efforts here and there.
Cooking: Curry.
Drinking: Wine.
Reading: What Happened? by Hillary Clinton; I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai. Also, A World History of Photography by Naomi Rosenblum for my History of Photography class at LAVC.
Next Read: Daughters of the Night Sky by Aimie K Runyan.
Wanting: A less cluttered home.
Looking: A bit more overweight. 😔
Playing: Gummy Drop!
Deciding: To start paying attention, real attention, to my health.
Wishing: For a society that didn't allow racism out in the open.
Enjoying: My children loving each other and being each other's best friends.
Waiting: For Trump to be impeached.
Liking: My electricity bill after we got the solar panels installed.
Wondering: About Damian's future who has been applying to colleges this Fall!
Loving: That Nadia loves her new high school!
Pondering: Small ways to improve our lives.
Considering: How to pay off some bills.
Buying: Amazon's Echo and automating our house.
Watching: Finished Firefly and all 7 seasons of The West Wing with Nadia!
Next watch: The Crown!
Hoping: To be a little less angry in 2018.
Marvelling: At the persistence of people in the fight for equality.
Cringing: At the persistence of the people in the fight for inequality.
Needing: To believe that things will right themselves in the coming years.
Questioning: How the time flew by and I have two kids in high school!
Smelling: Whatever candle I'm burning from Candles By Ari. 💟 I'm getting into the habit of burning a candle everyday if I'm home for an extended period of time.  I find that the gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) smells relax me.
Wearing: Comfy clothes.
Following: A bunch of new people on Instagram.  This past week, I've started looking into Bullet Journaling (as I said at the top).  It's supposed to be easy and simple - but too many people make it all fancy and pretty and Pinterest-y and that overwhelmed me earlier this year.  
Noticing: My hair needs to be colored again.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just accept it and let it go all gray naturally.  This in-between stage sucks though.
Knowing: That I need to make an effort to take care of myself.  I let myself go this Fall and my recent check up showed that.  
Thinking: About how much we did over the past 3 months.  September, we got Damian's name and gender legally changed.  October, Chris and I celebrated 23 years of marriage.  Also, my car died on the freeway during rush hour traffic, but the part that died was still under warranty!  So, STRESS and then not so much stress.  November, Damian got his first college acceptance letter! And he finished a couple of his other college applications.  And Nadia had a couple of shows/recitals.  She is thriving.
Admiring: Countries that have their health care systems in order.  Sure it may be a long wait to get surgery or something like that, but if I feel the need to not take my medication as often as I should because I need to make it last because of the damn health insurance, then me needing something more invasive will become inevitable.  Preventative care is the way to go - and that should be accessible to everyone.
Sorting: Through old clothes and things in the house.  We have too much stuff and I don't want it anymore.
Getting: To the point where I might just have to accept that we will never retire and travel the world.
Bookmarking: My doctor's patient portal so that it is staring me in the face so I check in with her often.
Coveting: Peace.  Really, that's all I want.  I don't need to be rich - just want the stress of things like credit cards, healthcare bills, and expensive surprises to go away.  And if those things went away, the income both Chris and I have now would be enough.  On top of it all, stress of looming college bills.
Disliking: That I have to gall to complain about all that when we have a roof over our head, food on the table, and our (relatively good) health.
Opening: All the mail every day.  I am making the decision to open all the mail every day so that I stop letting it pile up and get overwhelmed by the unopened mail.
Giggling: At the antics of Andy on Parks & Rec.  Damian and Chris quoted him to me earlier today when I was talking about going to the doctor and getting all the tests done.  There was an episode where Andy had to go to the doctor and had so much wrong with him.  But it was hilarious and I was giggling way past the time when they quoted him to me.  
Feeling: Good about the fact that I went to the doctor yesterday and have a plan to get myself back under control.
Snacking: NO!  I need to stop snacking - this is why I'm in the situation I'm in right now!  But last night I was snacking on Gorgonzola crackers from Trader's Joe.  Yum.
Hearing: Don and Paulette's dog barking.  But I like that right now because that means that it is warm enough outside to have our door open.  I know that the rest of the country is having some severe cold weather right now, so I'm thankful for what we have here in Southern California.

This was harder than I thought it would be to fill in all of these items.  

Two weeks left in Summer 2017

Nadia and Damian at LA Pride

Graduation memories!

I end each school year with the idea that I'm going to get so much done around the house in the summer months.  But my house is as crazy as ever.  June went by in a blur - Nadia graduated from middle school.  I remember that the Girl Scout troop met a couple of times (tour of NPR West and a Patrol Challenge day) and Nadia spent a lot of time with friends she's leaving from middle school and we went to the LA Pride parade and we had a bunch of doctor check ups (just your regular yearly exams)...

But July!  July was a busy but pretty great month.  We started off with a fabulous family vacation.  It's the one week of the summer that Chris has off from work so we took advantage.  First, we went to Arrowhead on our annual 4th of July trip with The Five Families aka the Playgroup Families.  These are four other families who we've know for over 17 years now - kids were a part of our MOMS Club playgroup with Damian.  Anyway, every 4th of July we go to a house in Arrowhead that is owned by one of the families and they generously invite us all.  We always have a grand time on the lake. 

Summer fun on the lake.

It's a summer tradition - one that hopefully will continue for a long time.  We were there from June 30th (Friday night) until July 4th (Tuesday).  Then we drove from Arrowhead to Pine Mountain Lake just outside of Yosemite for the rest of the week.  My in-laws' friends have a lake house up there which, again, they generously invited us (and a bunch of other families) to come and relax.  Driving from Arrowhead to PML took us about 9 hours in total but I'm so glad we did it.  The rest of the week was of good food, lots of wine, swimming, and playing cards.  We taught Damian and Nadia how to play poker and they both actually came away with some cash winnings!  We left PML to come back home on Saturday July 8th.  That was quite the ride back!  It was 104 degrees or something insane like that and our AC in the car didn't work for half the ride back!  We had to stop more than we wanted to so that we could go inside an air conditioned restaurant to cool down.  It was early evening when the temp dropped to 93 degrees when the AC decided to kick in!  Oh how we cheered!

July 7th was also important because it was the one year anniversary of Damian coming out to the world.  A full year of Living Authentically.  It was also the anniversary of my full acceptance of him - calling him Damian, using male pronouns all the time.  So much has happened in the past year.  We informed his school of his transition.  He went on T shots.  He cut his hair to fully represent who he is.  We had a big family gathering during the week of Thanksgiving for a wedding and he was fully and completely accepted by my extended family.  He seems so much more at ease with who he is and living that way out loud.  He continues to awe me with his strength.

This is not to say that I still don't struggle with this.  I do.  Facebook's feature "On This Day" is an almost constant reminder of his past and what I used to have.  But I've changed - before I would have said "what I lost".  But I've come to realize that I didn't lose anything.  I now have a child who is more and more comfortable with who he truly is.  I thought I knew my child before.  But I'm learning that I am only now getting to know his true self and he's amazing.

Facetiming with Nadia

Back to our July - the week after we got back from our family vacation was busy with getting Nadia ready to leave for the Bolshoi Ballet summer intensive.  I handled it better than last year, but was still a bit of a mess.  Last minute shopping and packing and making sure she was ready for her flights and navigating a taxi by herself in Hartford....oh, and getting ready for the Girl Scout Twilight Camp (a day camp) which I was volunteering at the following week.  AHHHHH!

So Nadia left on July 15th to Washington DC, staying overnight with my wonderful uncle and cousin, then got on another flight from DC to Hartford on July 16th.  Bit of a delay in Hartford as the taxi company was awful and didn't send a taxi for about 1 1/2 hours.  But luckily she had someone to wait with at the airport....all's well that ends well.  She got settled in (got her own room too!) and started the intensive on July 17th.

Friends from Twilight Camp

Which was the start of Twilight Camp for me.  It's a day camp run by volunteers and Girl Scout counselors.  Remember how I said I still struggle with Damian's transition?  Well, we fought about him going to Twilight Camp.  I know, he's not a girl so why did I fight about him going to Girl Scout camp?  For me, it was mostly about him being with friends he's known forever.  It's his last year - next year he'll be 18 and he would be an adult.  It was about closing out a chapter in his life.  Really, that's it.  I admit I was being selfish.  It's things like this that make me think about the past and what I thought was real.  We fought, but we compromised and he came for 2 days.  I appreciate his ability to compromise with me on things like this.

Getting Senior Portraits done

Finally the last full week of July.  Several things happened.  On Monday, Damian took his Senior portraits!  His last year of high school has begun.  Then, we filed the paperwork in the courts to make Damian's name and gender change legal.  Again...internally I struggle with this, but I do accept that this is the next step.  Should have done this earlier, but I just didn't.  But we have a court date!  September 8th.

The other big thing last week was our first doctor consultation for "top" surgery.

I paused here for a few minutes while writing this because this is emotional for me.  It's hard to process and express what I'm feeling.  After the appointment, I was surprised at what I felt.  I felt ok.  Relaxed.  It hit me again - what is happening is true and real because there is no way that someone would put themselves through all the pain and turmoil and headache of living as the gender that is opposite your assigned-at-birth one. I'll write more about this and the legal stuff later when I've had a bit more time to process it.

Today is July 31st.  The end of a eventful month.  Tomorrow starts another eventful month.  Tomorrow, August 1st, Damian and I leave for NYC and Hartford to pick up Nadia from Bolshoi.  I get the excitement of showing Damian NYC for the first time and then spending the weekend there with both of my kids.  I wish Chris was coming, but he's working as usual.  Then we get back, just in time for Nadia's high school orientation and Damian's senior orientation.  Off on another adventure!

Goodbye 16, Hello 17

Tuesday night, I cuddled on the couch with Damian in the last waning hours of his 16th year.  During his middle school years, cuddling went out of style.  But in the last year, the affection between us came back and how we hug a lot more, talk a lot more, I try to just *listen* more (though it is very hard to not always give advice).

On Monday, he talked to me about having trouble lately with feeling as though he is passing for a boy.  I look at the changes he's gone through and I cannot understand anyone who looks at him for the first time now and assumes Damian is a girl.  I get it if you knew him from before, if you knew him as Maya.  That's a hard habit to break and we understand (but so appreciate it if you try your best to get it right).  But meeting him for the first time, being introduced to him as Damian - I don't get it.  But it happens still and it really hurts him when it does.  It happened in one of his classes that day - and it was a teacher who had never had him before, so there shouldn't be this issue (his name is changed in the school already).  And I didn't have any advice other than to just keep correcting people.  Yeah, it's totally lame advice.  And what a terrible burden to put on a kid.  Especially by an adult.  All of Damian's friends get it and do not have a problem.  They have switched over and, to the best of my knowledge, none of them have made glaring mistakes.

But even this past weekend, it happened AGAIN at his Saturday morning Art Conservatory classes.  The school apparently pre-prints the rosters for the entire year for each session (they change teachers every 4-6 weeks).  And since they were printed back in September, it was before we talked to them about the name change.  Still, they should have just gone in and changed the name manually after we talked to them.  But they didn't and EVERY TIME Damian gets a new teacher, he has to go to each of them to change the name again and basically come out to each of them all over again.  It's frustrating.  It's annoying.  It's emotional for him and it's infuriating for me that he has to go through this over and over again. 

Anyway, so we talked about it - well, Damian talked and I listened.  I just said that I'm sorry it keeps happening.  But the most wonderful thing happened after that - Damian said that he likes talking to me and feels better after we talk.

Best. Compliment. Ever.

What parent doesn't want to hear that?! I just walked over to him and hugged him.  Our relationship has really come a long way since when he was in 9th grade and we fought every day.  And I mean EVERY DAMN DAY. But now, I feel as though we are closer than ever.  I'm seeing the talkative, fun-loving, wickedly sarcastic and smart person he was always on the inside.

He's 17 years old now.  And this year was the first year he was a birthday BOY.  Wow, I just love this kid.

Happy birthday, Damian!!

New Year, New You.....

I haven't made New Year's resolutions in quite a few years and I probably won't be making them this year (I haven't so far).  But the new year does seem like a good time to make a start on something big - and we certainly did that in January 2016.

At this time last January, we were unaware of the unbelievable journey we were about to embark on with Damian.  He was still Maya back then.  Then one day, I think it was January 16, 2016 turned out to be January 28, 2016, he called a family meeting.  That was odd, because usually it's me doing that and not received with excitement.  He was very nervous and Nadia was by his side, encouraging him and saying it was going to be alright. I fully thought that he was going to come out as a lesbian that night.  I was prepared for that and completely at ease with that thought.  But when he said he's questioning his gender...I didn't know what that meant at all!  The word transgender was foreign in meaning to me.  I've heard of it before, of course.  I'd seen it in the media, read about Caitlyn Jenner, reacted to the bathroom laws in North Carolina.  But I didn't REALLY know what it all meant.  My first thought was, "What do you mean you don't know if you're a girl??" The thing is, Damian was easing us into this announcement.  In reality, he knew what was happening to him.  But he told us that he wanted help in figuring out what he was thinking.  He was trying soften the revelation that the girl we knew really didn't exist.

So we started on a journey that was lonely at first.  Especially for me, I didn't know who to talk to about the crazy feelings I was going through.  Chris seemed to have accepted it right away.  I didn't want to give any impression to Damian that I wasn't supportive of this.  I didn't want to ask "are you sure?"  But how can a parent not think that?  It seems like such a huge decision for a 15 year old (at the time) to come to this conclusion.

But oh how much I've learned since then - lots of transgender people transition when they are much much younger.  As young as 4 and 5 years old! I had no idea and that was a shocker to me.  That seemed way too young, but who am I to know what is going on inside another human being's head?

So, Damian asked for help.  He asked to see a gender therapist, stating at the time, that he didn't know what all these feelings of not wanting to present as a girl meant.  So, we started doing research.  Well, Chris and I started, because Damian had already started researching stuff about 6-9 months before he came out to us.  He had started following people on various social media outlets who had gone through or were going through transitioning.  He had started looking up what to do next and where to go.  We found a great family support group close by to us.  We went to our first meeting in February, just about 3 weeks after Damian came out to us.

I don't think that Damian made the announcement in January just because it was the beginning of the year.  It just happened to work out that way.  But if someone had told me back then that in a year I would have a son and be comfortable with that, well, I would have thought that person was crazy.  So much has changed - my attitude towards the whole thing being the biggest thing.  But we've come out to our families, to our friends, to the world.  I have done a lot of reading (though still not enough) and come to understand what transgender means.  I am using the name he chose (which was SO HARD!) and using male pronouns.  It feels weird to say "Maya" now.

Oh, what a difference a year makes!

Cocoon of love and acceptance

I haven't written since the election.  So much has happened since then.  I have so many topics brewing in my head.  But today, I write about Thanksgiving week.

Thanksgiving week was a banner week for our family.  The four of us traveled to Atlanta to attend my cousin's wedding.  We went back and forth about going, quite honestly, because of a variety of reasons.  But ultimately we made the decision for the kids.  Damian and Nadia really wanted to go and one of the reasons they wanted to go was to see family.

That right there makes me happy on so many levels.  The fact that they are old enough to have family as a reason to go somewhere new is wonderful.  They wanted to see family they knew but hadn't seen in a while and also to meet family they had never met or don't remember meeting.  You see, I had a lot of family from India traveling to the wedding too. And since we don't get to go to India very often, this was an opportunity that was too good to pass up.

Another reason this makes me happy is because of Damian.  I have had nothing but support and love from my family about his transition.  Emails and messages and phone calls saying that, despite not quite understanding what being transgender means, we have their unconditional love and support.  That Damian is a treasured member of our extended family.  This knowledge made him want to go to this family gathering.

My God it brings tears to my eyes even now - this amazing cocoon of love and acceptance.  We are so very lucky and blessed.

My beautiful family

So, we went to the wedding.  We spent a week surrounded by family and friends who treated Damian as if nothing was different about him, as though nothing had changed since the last time they had seen him, as though he had always been Damian. And he had amazing conversations with people about politics, about his interests, about his transition.  He bonded with his cousins, he bonded with uncles and aunties, and I basked in the sight of him smiling and being happy.  I delighted in him wearing a kurta to the wedding and a suit to the reception.  I thoroughly enjoyed dancing with him at the reception.  He was a young man and happy and at ease.

Dancing with my son

I don't know that he would ever been as at ease in his previous identity.  There is something different about him now - I mean, other than the obvious.  It's his mannerisms - his ability to be his true self.  His ability to BE.  He seems to laugh easier now.  His confidence has definitely gone up.

Back to the wedding week.  The true measure of its success is the fact that when we came home, we spent a full day feeling lonely.  Even though the four of us were together, we missed everyone and the loud cacophony that is my extended family.  It was reminiscent of when I was a kid and we came back from summers in India and we were just so depressed because it was just too quiet in our house.  Luckily, we only had a day before the schedule of school and work started up for us after Thanksgiving, but that Sunday was spent unpacking and talking about the week and being sad that it was over.

There is a lot of love in this picture

But I felt true gratitude too.  I am grateful for the open mindedness they practice.  For the acceptance they share.  For their ability to say "I don't understand but I still love and support you."  For their willingness to ask questions and open their hearts to the answers.

This world needs so much more of that.

*Pictures by Venkat Kuttua Photography

It's not about losing an election

Some people seem to think that I, and, maybe, Democrats in general, are just sore losers.

Maybe some of us are. I'm definitely in the mood to throw a tantrum (and have a little bit on Facebook). I know I feel as though we were robbed. Secretary Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. More people wanted her to be President than Donald Trump. Once again, Democrats, nay, the American People, were ignored during an election. Never mind how we've been ignored in the last few years by the Republican Congress...

But I digress.

We are not just sore losers. We are dealing with grief. And there are several stages to that.

Right now, I'm in the anger stage.

I am angry that someone who has publicly stated that women should be punished for abortions has been elected President.

I am angry that someone who supports conversion therapy to turn gay people straight has been elected Vice President.

I am angry that someone who has bragged about sexually assaulting women has been elected President.

I am angry that someone who has time and time again called for violence against those who disagree with him has been elected President.

I am angry that someone who has cheated hard working people out of fair pay has been elected President.

I am angry that someone who wants to ban Muslims (who happen to look like me sometimes) has been elected President.

I am angry that someone who wants to ban gay marriage has been elected President.

I am angry that someone who has called for discrimination against LGBTQ people has been elected Vice President.

I am angry that the freedom to love and marry who you want regardless of sex will be taken away from my children by our new leaders.

I am angry that acts of violence against People of Color, against other religions, against the LGBTQ community has no been legitimized by the President-elect.

I am angry because I live in a country that now thinks it is ok to elect a racist, misogynistic, bigoted bully to the highest offices in the land and have those be the representatives of America to the rest of the world.

And then the same people who stood in the way of President Obama's political and social agenda, who called him and his family racist slurs, who wished him death, these are the same people who now say we should give Trump and Pence a chance and bring the country together?

The double standard is strong with the Grand Old Party.

Yes, I am angry right now. This is the stage I am in today. And I will get through it. I just can't feel this way forever, right?? Tomorrow, I start looking for ways to channel that anger into positive work.

#NotMyPresident.

It's been a few months now...

I think that today is the perfect day to update everyone on our journey.  Today is National Coming Out Day!  And it's been just a few months since we, as a family, came out to the world that Damian is a transgender male.

http://youknownothingmommy.blogspot.com/2016/07/living-authentically.html

Since then, I have been showered with support from friends and family.  This means the world to me.  Of course, our immediate family has been so wonderful.  My parents, Chris' parents, our siblings have all been supportive and switched gender pronouns and to the new name.  Over the summer when I was in New York City, my cousin (who is more like a brother) and his wife and I had some amazing long talks about everything, including the transition.  And recently, I got Facebook messages from my aunt and a phone call from an uncle who said, in no uncertain terms, that we have all their love and support and that they were proud of how we were handling the transition.  Such support is amazing to hear because it helps me continue on.  But what is even more amazing to me is that such support is in spite of the fact that some of my friends and family don't understand what "transgender" means.

And that's ok with me.

I would rather get questions about it.  I would rather someone say that they don't understand what this means and to ask me for an explanation.  I would rather someone say "I don't know what this means" than to sit quietly and slip away from our world because they were afraid or uncomfortable to ask me.  Damian is probably not ready to be the source of all the information, but in the last couple of months, he has grown so much and further understands what it means to be transgender.  I definitely don't have all the answers, but for now, I'm willing to take the brunt of the uncomfortable questions to give Damian the space to grow in self-confidence.

My uncle said to me that he didn't know yet what questions to ask.  This made me laugh and tear up at the very same time because that was the EXACT same response I had when Damian came out to Chris and me.

It's been quite the year for us.  It seems like to me that this transition has consumed our daily lives.  And it should for now.  But there isn't a day that goes by when I have to remember that I now have a son and a daughter instead of two daughters.  I can no longer shout "GIRLS!" when I need them both to come out of their rooms.  Instead, I have started to yell "KIDS!"  Just recently, a former teacher of Damian's asked me how my girls are doing.  I took a few moments to tell them what happened...and that now I have a son.  This former teacher said "Congratulations on your new son!".  I think that is exactly the right response I needed to hear.  It felt so positive.

One thing that has come out of our experiences are some new partnerships.  We have found a great support system, one that has a component for parents AND for the transgender kids.  Chris and I started going to this group back in February and I remember vividly that first meeting - I cried the ENTIRE time.  And last month? I was the one helping a new parent who was also crying almost the entire time.

I've come a long way, baby!

This partnership has been a blessing.  Damain looks forward to those meetings too - he is coming out of his shell.  He has always been my shy kid.  Well, now he is training to lead a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) club at school, wants to learn how to advocate for transgender youth, and maybe even go into gender studies as a major.  We are looking forward to a conference at the end of the month at USC all about LGBTQ issues.  Damian is learning to advocate for himself at school through the new GSA club. He is navigating the name change through school.

And for now I'm dealing with the constant mindfulness that I have of my new son and the many changes this has brought to our lives.

Living Authentically

We go through life being told that we should live authentically.  We should listen to our hearts and follow it's advice.  Live our lives out loud and not conform to how society says we should live.

How many of us actually learn how to do this?  I'm 44 years old and I'm not sure I'm doing it right or at all.  I have convictions, beliefs, ideals, and I adhere to those bigger ideals.  But on a day-to-day basis, I feel as though I'm playing catch up.

But I know at least one person who is living authentically.  My child.  I'm not talking about Nadia, for once.  I'm talking about my other child, Damian.

I am a mother to a transgender person.  Maya is now Damian.

It has been quite a trip for the past 6 months since HE came out to us.  I have struggled with the thought of now having a son.  That is a topic for another post though.  For 16 years, I was the mother of two girls who were as different as can be.  Now I come to find out one of those girls doesn't feel right presenting as a girl.  Doesn't want to hide who he really is anymore.

The amount of courage that takes is tremendous.  I am in awe of the strength of character this takes.  I am happy to know that I had something to do with the building of that strength.  I am thrilled to realize that we created a bond that allowed Damian to trust us with his true self even if that true self wasn't manifested on the outside physical being.

I recently saw this:

It is so true.  I had no idea about my own child. But the flip side of this is also true: All parents should be aware that when they express support for LGBTQ issues, may be supporting their own child.  I'd like to think that whenever I posted something in support of LGBTQ rights or condemned violence or oppression of the LGBTQ community, I was showing my child that our family is a safe place to be who you truly are.  A place to truly live authentically.

I am a proud parent to a transgender individual.  

We all have choices in our lives regarding the person we grow into.  I'm so very proud of the person you are choosing to become and I love you always, Damian.