Hi, I'm Priya and I'm an Obliger.

I've been listening to a podcast called Happier by Gretchen Rubin.  There are days where it is so much better for my mind to listen to this podcast than listen to the other podcast that I tend to listen to in the mornings, The Daily by the New York Times.  Sometimes the news is just too overwhelming for me and I decide that I need Happier instead.

Well, I love it.  There are so many little tips and tricks and I love the banter between Gretchen and her sister, Elizabeth.  They talk about so many things, and one of those things are Gretchen's books and her research into happiness.  One of her books is The Four Tendencies and it talks about the four personality tendencies of people: Obliger, Upholder, Questioner, and Rebel.  I'm an Obliger - I follow through on expectations of others, but rarely follow my own expectations or desires of myself. 

SO. TRUE.

Anyway, more on that later.  I'm going through a course about this and am really enjoying it so far.  But one of the quotes that I really love and really want to remember a lot in my life is the one above. 

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.  Apparently it was first said by Voltaire. 

I do this a lot.  I don't start new things or I don't follow through on a project because I want it to be perfect.  So I research it to death and then get so overwhelmed and end up not starting it or quitting halfway.  Here's an example:

About a month or so ago, I discovered Bullet Journaling.  I posted about it on Facebook as a way to remember it and see if anyone else does it.  It's basically a personalized way to journal...a way that is supposed to be quick and easy. 

Well, I haven't started it yet.  I finally have a format I want to follow (after checking out dozens of other people's formats and templates), and I finally have a journal that I want to use (an A5 6-ring binder so that I can print out the templates I want for a truly customized journal).  Now, I'm waiting for a 6-ring hole punch so that I can finally put those pages in.

And yet, one of my friends saw my post, ordered the most recommended journal on Amazon, got herself a great pen, and just dove right in.

*hangs head in shame*

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Taking Stock: Fall 2017

In doing some research about Bullet Journaling, I came across this list on www.meatmeetsmike.com that many seem to use in Bullet Journaling.  I thought it would be a good way to end 2017 on my blog since I haven't posted since September.

September?!?! Honestly where has the time gone? I have thought of many topics to write about but just haven't done it.  I really want to change that but I'm not sure what the best recourse for that would be for me.  Two schools of thought: schedule it out once a week or even once a month or go all in with a sentence or two every day.

I'll get back to that in a bit to decide.

For now, taking stock of Fall 2017:

Making: Small efforts here and there.
Cooking: Curry.
Drinking: Wine.
Reading: What Happened? by Hillary Clinton; I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai. Also, A World History of Photography by Naomi Rosenblum for my History of Photography class at LAVC.
Next Read: Daughters of the Night Sky by Aimie K Runyan.
Wanting: A less cluttered home.
Looking: A bit more overweight. 😔
Playing: Gummy Drop!
Deciding: To start paying attention, real attention, to my health.
Wishing: For a society that didn't allow racism out in the open.
Enjoying: My children loving each other and being each other's best friends.
Waiting: For Trump to be impeached.
Liking: My electricity bill after we got the solar panels installed.
Wondering: About Damian's future who has been applying to colleges this Fall!
Loving: That Nadia loves her new high school!
Pondering: Small ways to improve our lives.
Considering: How to pay off some bills.
Buying: Amazon's Echo and automating our house.
Watching: Finished Firefly and all 7 seasons of The West Wing with Nadia!
Next watch: The Crown!
Hoping: To be a little less angry in 2018.
Marvelling: At the persistence of people in the fight for equality.
Cringing: At the persistence of the people in the fight for inequality.
Needing: To believe that things will right themselves in the coming years.
Questioning: How the time flew by and I have two kids in high school!
Smelling: Whatever candle I'm burning from Candles By Ari. 💟 I'm getting into the habit of burning a candle everyday if I'm home for an extended period of time.  I find that the gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) smells relax me.
Wearing: Comfy clothes.
Following: A bunch of new people on Instagram.  This past week, I've started looking into Bullet Journaling (as I said at the top).  It's supposed to be easy and simple - but too many people make it all fancy and pretty and Pinterest-y and that overwhelmed me earlier this year.  
Noticing: My hair needs to be colored again.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just accept it and let it go all gray naturally.  This in-between stage sucks though.
Knowing: That I need to make an effort to take care of myself.  I let myself go this Fall and my recent check up showed that.  
Thinking: About how much we did over the past 3 months.  September, we got Damian's name and gender legally changed.  October, Chris and I celebrated 23 years of marriage.  Also, my car died on the freeway during rush hour traffic, but the part that died was still under warranty!  So, STRESS and then not so much stress.  November, Damian got his first college acceptance letter! And he finished a couple of his other college applications.  And Nadia had a couple of shows/recitals.  She is thriving.
Admiring: Countries that have their health care systems in order.  Sure it may be a long wait to get surgery or something like that, but if I feel the need to not take my medication as often as I should because I need to make it last because of the damn health insurance, then me needing something more invasive will become inevitable.  Preventative care is the way to go - and that should be accessible to everyone.
Sorting: Through old clothes and things in the house.  We have too much stuff and I don't want it anymore.
Getting: To the point where I might just have to accept that we will never retire and travel the world.
Bookmarking: My doctor's patient portal so that it is staring me in the face so I check in with her often.
Coveting: Peace.  Really, that's all I want.  I don't need to be rich - just want the stress of things like credit cards, healthcare bills, and expensive surprises to go away.  And if those things went away, the income both Chris and I have now would be enough.  On top of it all, stress of looming college bills.
Disliking: That I have to gall to complain about all that when we have a roof over our head, food on the table, and our (relatively good) health.
Opening: All the mail every day.  I am making the decision to open all the mail every day so that I stop letting it pile up and get overwhelmed by the unopened mail.
Giggling: At the antics of Andy on Parks & Rec.  Damian and Chris quoted him to me earlier today when I was talking about going to the doctor and getting all the tests done.  There was an episode where Andy had to go to the doctor and had so much wrong with him.  But it was hilarious and I was giggling way past the time when they quoted him to me.  
Feeling: Good about the fact that I went to the doctor yesterday and have a plan to get myself back under control.
Snacking: NO!  I need to stop snacking - this is why I'm in the situation I'm in right now!  But last night I was snacking on Gorgonzola crackers from Trader's Joe.  Yum.
Hearing: Don and Paulette's dog barking.  But I like that right now because that means that it is warm enough outside to have our door open.  I know that the rest of the country is having some severe cold weather right now, so I'm thankful for what we have here in Southern California.

This was harder than I thought it would be to fill in all of these items.  

Counting my blessings

This topic has come up a couple of times in the last week.  I feel as though it is a thought that is being repeated to me because I need to hear it right now.

All too often, we focus on what's wrong in our lives.  How often do you respond to the question "How are you?" or "How's it going?" in a drab or even negative way?  I know I usually answer it with "I'm alright" or "oh, it's going."  But I almost never say "I'm doing great!"

My dad recently had to start taking insulin to control his diabetes.  He's 75 years old and has been diabetic for a while, but this is the first time he's had to take insulin shots.  I'm sure he's not happy about it, maybe even a little angry or depressed, but my mom took the attitude that he's had all this time without the need for insulin.  She was talking about how we should be thankful for the situation that we're in and not having to resort to insulin from an early age.  My mom talked about how she thinks of the children who have Type-1 diabetes.  Those parents who have to worry about insulin shots for their children as they go to school. And there are worse health problems than diabetes which, once diagnosed, can be managed.

My friend, Ari, talked about counting your blessings on her latest radio show and her latest blog post.  There is always someone who is worse off then you.  And it's true.  Whatever financial situation you're going through - someone else has to deal with worse.  Whatever health crisis you're going through - someone else has to deal with worse.  Whatever sucky job you're dealing with - someone else is a suckier job.

I think that in today's world, it is easier than ever to forget to count our blessings.  Whenever you go online, you see the amazing pictures of someone else's day or week.  I swear, since school let out two weeks ago, I've had, at the minimum, five Facebook friends who had a family vacation in Hawaii.  Was there an airline sale I missed??  Beautiful pictures of swimming in clear waters, playing on white sand beaches (and one black sand beach!!), eating the yummiest food all on the picturesque islands.  And it's so easy to compare yourself to what others present online and so easy to forget to count all that we have.

I will not forget that I have:

• a fun and loving family.
• a fun and loving extended family too!
• a non-leaky roof over my head.
• an AC that works in this insane heat wave we're having here in Southern California!
• enough to keep our bills paid, the lights on, and food in our fridge.
• friends who share their abundance.
• a couple of adventures of our own to look forward to this summer.
• a job to go back to when school starts up again.
• my health (for the most part) and my family's health.
• time to give back to my various communities.

I will not forget that I do have blessings to count.  I must try to remember to say "Great!" next time someone asks me how I'm doing.

I'm a terrible housewife

This is my house right now.  It's a freaking mess.  And it does bother me, but I guess not enough that I feel the urgent need to do anything about it at the moment.  Instead, let me take a picture and share!  Kinda like the moms who take pictures of their crying/screaming kids and share those.  Oh, wait, I've done that too.

Friday, after work, I came home and met up with another Girl Scout leader who was picking up Girl Scout Cookies from me.  I walked in the door with her and this was the scene that greeted us.  I usually would instantly say "don't mind my house, it's such a mess" but I found myself not apologizing.  Later, Chris (my husband for those of you who don't know) was teasing me about walking in the front door and sighing really loudly even in the middle of talking to someone else.  My family frequently teases me about my sighing.  I do it unconsciously and loudly apparently.  When my girls were little, Chris would ask them "what does a doggy say?" and they would answer "Woof!".  "What does a kitty say?" "Meow!" "What does a mommy say?" They would sigh really loudly.

Ha, ha, very funny.  *sigh*

Anyway, I was a bit defensive because I responded "Well, maybe it's because I come home and see all the shit I have to do!".

And then I proceeded to get lunch and sit down at the equally messy table that houses my laptop to check email.  My laptop which, coincidentally, has 20 tabs open because I seem to have adult-onset ADD.  Again, messy.

What's funny (or ironic, you pick) is that I belong to Facebook groups about clearing up clutter and getting your finances in order and "fast" healthy recipes that I should be cooking for my family every night.  I guess I like seeing progress that other people are making...or I like torturing myself.  Probably both.

I'm getting to the point where I just don't care who sees my house in this state (although I'm definitely NOT sharing a picture of my kitchen!).  Maybe it's just that I've given up on having that picture-perfect house.  Maybe it's because I would rather come home after a long week and plop down on the couches with my family and watch our weekly run of TV shows we love instead of cleaning.  (In case you were wondering, currently those are The Flash, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow, and Agent Carter.)

Or maybe it's so I have something kinda interesting to blog about!

It takes work...

If things are going to be different, it's going to take some work.

Two weeks into the new year, and I'm back into the thinking that things have to be different simply because it's a new year.  Well, that's the kind of thinking that leads to depression about being in a rut.  I know because in the past, right around the new year, I would get down on the fact that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Every year, we make resolutions (or resolve to not make them!) and then by mid January (for me anyway) things go back to being the same as before.  It's as though we think that just because a number changed on the calendar, things will change because we simply will it.

Well, that's not how it works.  It's only taken me 43 years to be able to articulate this.

Something else I've learned and see the wisdom of:  breaking things down into steps and smaller goals to be able to tackle them.  Of course, there are all sorts of other blogs, coaches, self-help books to tell you this.  And I have read quite a few of them, have some of those books on my shelves.  I know this fact...but it doesn't mean it automatically translates into following said advice.

I also know of the advice of declaring to the world what your goals are and that is supposed to be some sort of pressure to keep trying.  By sharing goals with others, they are supposed to keep you accountable.  Been there, done that, too.

But, doesn't mean I shouldn't try it again.  So here goes:

My goal this year is to get back to writing and update this blog more often. I think every other week would be great, but the ultimate goal is to write once a week.

The long term purpose for this is to write for a living.  To be paid to write, which is what I really love to do.

You'd think that if I loved it so much, I'd do it more.  I don't know why I don't.  I claim I don't have time.  And yet, I have the time to keep up with my favorite TV shows.  Really that's my downtime though.  I get home from work or meetings and plop down on the couch and turn on the TV.  I need to just grab my laptop and write before I do that.

So dear readers (all 5 of you, haha!), if it occurs to you, shoot me a message to encourage me to write.  Especially if I haven't posted in more than a week.

After all, isn't that the point of publicly sharing my goals with the world?  See, it's all up to you, really.

;-p

Mommy is slightly lost.

Getting back to me is hard.  I've been "Mommy" for so long (15 years already!) that I sometimes forget what I was interested in before I had kids.  Hobbies I'm known for now - scrapbooking, volunteering, crochet - I picked up that stuff after the kids came along.  I read a lot more before, I think.  The perfect date night with my husband, Chris, was dinner, coffee, bookstore until midnight.  We miss Borders Bookstores.  Um, I worked a lot.  But then again, I had a full-time job outside of the home.  I played a lot of video games with my husband.  We still sometimes do that, but now we have to involve the girls.

I liked to write.  I got a journalism and international relations degree in college.  I have an opinion about the Oxford Comma.  (Yes, in case you were wondering.)  So, that is what I am returning to.  Writing.  Slowly.  Oh, so slowly.

This is a start.