A little bit everyday...

I don't know what it is about me, but I am not good at doing the things I want to do. I do the things I need to do, I do the things I have to do, I do the things that other people need me to do. But when it comes to doing the things that I want to do, I'm stuck. I have a ton of excuses - I don't have time for fun right now, I need more time to do that thing than I have right now, I'm too tired to get out all the things I need in order to do the thing I want to do (this is mainly with scrapbooking or other crafty things). But one of my favorite excuses is that I need to clean my (house/room/table/desk) before I can do that thing.

So, I have this idea that I should do a little bit everyday. Whether that's clean, declutter, exercise, eat right, crochet, read an actual book, or write, I keep telling myself that I just need 10 to 30 minutes a day to do that thing.

And....well, it's been almost a month already since I posted here.

I'm trying so very hard not to beat myself up over the fact that after a year of staying at home, not a lot has changed in my own personal life. Not having the time was an excuse before...I'm struggling with feeling embarrassed and mad at myself for not taking advantage of the time I've had over the last year.

Can anyone else relate?

I'm not going to question it...

So the last time I wrote in this blog was April 2020 - almost a year ago. I was doing weekly posts about the things that made me happy. But apparently the last time I was happy was April 26, 2020. Well, I could try to analyze this, but I'm not going to question it. It is what it is.

I'm just going to jump back into it.

What's the big deal about Political Correctness?

What does being "Politically Correct" mean?  According to Merriam-Webster Online, it means "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated"

I got into an argument with a "friend" on Facebook a few days ago and it didn't end well.  He was livid about having to be politically correct about the word "fag".  In his view, it used to mean "asshole" and why can't it still be used that way.

Guess what?  Times change.  People are living more authentically and out loud, regardless of who knows, and minorities are not just sitting down and shutting up.  They are learning that their place is no longer in silence or in the back of the bus or in the closet.  Those in power (and as a generalization that was straight, white, and male) could do and say whatever they wanted with very little regard to consequence.  They were allowed to also dole out consequences to people who would do and say things they didn't like.

Now, while there are still plenty of consequences for minorities and other groups to do and say what they want, but there is also more expectation that there be consequences for the previously-in-power when they say or do something that violates another person's well-being.  And they don't like that.  Hence their anger towards what they call Political Correctness.  Apparently we (liberals, minorities) are "snowflakes" when we want to be treated equality or with kindness or to have our very existence simply accepted.

I saw this online by Michael Bernard, a writer on HuffPost, Slate, and other such sites:
"Pro-tip: whenever someone is moaning about political correctness, ask them what it is they would like to say if they weren’t constrained. Then don’t be surprised if it is demeaning, derogatory or disrespectful to people who traditionally were considered inferior to the person."

Honestly, this is pretty spot on.  Political correctness isn't supposed to be about stifling freedom of expression.  It IS about acknowledging that there are others out there who are different from us and who deserve the same level of respect and acceptance as those who are traditionally allowed to simply live their life.

I think that a lot of opponents of political correctness don't quite understand it.  Here's a great example of this: 

It's not politically incorrect to say those things in a home and I don't believe that the majority of the left or politically correct crowd believes that any of these things are inherently wrong to say.  Someone said "Merry Christmas" to me the other day and I said it back, even though I am not Christian.  WHOA!  We celebrate it as a day to give gifts - not as a religious holiday.  But when someone said it to me, I said it back.  No big deal.  I say "Happy Holidays" because I acknowledge that there is more than one religion in the world and I live in a religiously-diverse city.  I don't say "God bless the USA" but I don't mind when someone else says - UNLESS it is to mean that no other country can also be blessed.  Tolerance is key - not necessarily acceptance.  There is a difference.

Getting back to the argument online I had, part of my response was that people who oppose using the word "fag" feel that way because of the derogatory nature in which that word is so often used.  The fact that he meant it to mean "asshole" about someone else proved my point right there.  But he didn't see that.  It was just a word, he claimed.  And that's what a lot of opponents of political correctness say - they are just words and people need to toughen up.

And yet:

Restarting...

Starting something is hard...

Restarting something is even harder.

Hi, I'm Priya and I'm an Obliger.

I've been listening to a podcast called Happier by Gretchen Rubin.  There are days where it is so much better for my mind to listen to this podcast than listen to the other podcast that I tend to listen to in the mornings, The Daily by the New York Times.  Sometimes the news is just too overwhelming for me and I decide that I need Happier instead.

Well, I love it.  There are so many little tips and tricks and I love the banter between Gretchen and her sister, Elizabeth.  They talk about so many things, and one of those things are Gretchen's books and her research into happiness.  One of her books is The Four Tendencies and it talks about the four personality tendencies of people: Obliger, Upholder, Questioner, and Rebel.  I'm an Obliger - I follow through on expectations of others, but rarely follow my own expectations or desires of myself. 

SO. TRUE.

Anyway, more on that later.  I'm going through a course about this and am really enjoying it so far.  But one of the quotes that I really love and really want to remember a lot in my life is the one above. 

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.  Apparently it was first said by Voltaire. 

I do this a lot.  I don't start new things or I don't follow through on a project because I want it to be perfect.  So I research it to death and then get so overwhelmed and end up not starting it or quitting halfway.  Here's an example:

About a month or so ago, I discovered Bullet Journaling.  I posted about it on Facebook as a way to remember it and see if anyone else does it.  It's basically a personalized way to journal...a way that is supposed to be quick and easy. 

Well, I haven't started it yet.  I finally have a format I want to follow (after checking out dozens of other people's formats and templates), and I finally have a journal that I want to use (an A5 6-ring binder so that I can print out the templates I want for a truly customized journal).  Now, I'm waiting for a 6-ring hole punch so that I can finally put those pages in.

And yet, one of my friends saw my post, ordered the most recommended journal on Amazon, got herself a great pen, and just dove right in.

*hangs head in shame*

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Tuning out the NOISE

Ever feel like you can’t get one thing done before you start something else?  Like a project or a task at home?  I recently had this experience:

I went to the kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee.  But my favorite mug still had the dregs from the cup of coffee I had earlier that morning, so I went to the sink to rinse it out.  But there were some dishes in there left from breakfast, so I decided to get them done since I was there anyway.  As I was doing those dishes, the dish soap dispenser ran out of dish soap, so I had to refill it.  As I was getting the jug of dish soap out to refill the dispenser, I saw that we were out of sponges and ziplock baggies (since I keep those in the same cabinet as the dish soap).  So I looked for a notepad to start a list for shopping.  When I found the notepad, I saw my to-do list from the previous day.  I added “start an Amazon order for kitchen supplies” to the to-do list.  Suddenly I remembered that I had gotten an email from Amazon the day before about my monthly subscription order that needed to be reviewed.  I decided to pull up that tab on my computer so that I wouldn’t forget to do it the next time I sat down at the computer.  When I pulled up the subscription order up, I saw that coffee beans were the first thing on the list.

And that’s when I realized that 20 minutes had passed since I had walked into the kitchen to get that elusive cup of coffee.  The noise in my brain led me off the path.

This happens to me all the time online.  I try to focus on my email, but there are links to follow, to read through, which usually contains even more links to click through.  Link after link, like a wild goose chase….and suddenly it’s 40 minutes later and I’ve only gotten rid of 1-2 emails!  

This happens to me when I’m writing too. I start to write a blog post and I realize that I need to look up something or do a bit of research.  Or I want to find out if anyone else has written about the topic that I’m writing about.  Google searching is the worst - so many links to follow!!

Don’t even get me started on the time I sink into Facebook or Instagram or Twitter!

I mentioned this to my husband, Chris, the other day.  How I want to write more, want to start freelancing, and just need to do it.  Chris suggested that we start turning off the internet for an hour each evening to work on our projects without the lure of the Internet.  He has projects he wants to tackle too.  Our kids may have issues with it, or maybe they’ll take that time to work on their own projects.  I think we’ll try this after I get back from my trip.

Speaking of my trip, he also suggested that I take the time on my 5 hour flight to NYC to just write since I wasn’t springing for the Wifi on the plane.  And guess what?  It worked.  This was one of the posts I wrote on the plane without the Internet noise to distract me.  And I’ve gotten about 3 other posts started and almost finished.  Why almost?  Because my mind started to spit out all these topics I wanted to write about!  All these topics that have been bubbling inside started to spill out and I felt like I had to write what was coming out otherwise I’d forget those ideas.  Still noise, but at least it all has to do with writing.

Sometimes, you really have to consciously turn down the external noise so you can hear your internal voice speak. 

It takes work...

If things are going to be different, it's going to take some work.

Two weeks into the new year, and I'm back into the thinking that things have to be different simply because it's a new year.  Well, that's the kind of thinking that leads to depression about being in a rut.  I know because in the past, right around the new year, I would get down on the fact that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Every year, we make resolutions (or resolve to not make them!) and then by mid January (for me anyway) things go back to being the same as before.  It's as though we think that just because a number changed on the calendar, things will change because we simply will it.

Well, that's not how it works.  It's only taken me 43 years to be able to articulate this.

Something else I've learned and see the wisdom of:  breaking things down into steps and smaller goals to be able to tackle them.  Of course, there are all sorts of other blogs, coaches, self-help books to tell you this.  And I have read quite a few of them, have some of those books on my shelves.  I know this fact...but it doesn't mean it automatically translates into following said advice.

I also know of the advice of declaring to the world what your goals are and that is supposed to be some sort of pressure to keep trying.  By sharing goals with others, they are supposed to keep you accountable.  Been there, done that, too.

But, doesn't mean I shouldn't try it again.  So here goes:

My goal this year is to get back to writing and update this blog more often. I think every other week would be great, but the ultimate goal is to write once a week.

The long term purpose for this is to write for a living.  To be paid to write, which is what I really love to do.

You'd think that if I loved it so much, I'd do it more.  I don't know why I don't.  I claim I don't have time.  And yet, I have the time to keep up with my favorite TV shows.  Really that's my downtime though.  I get home from work or meetings and plop down on the couch and turn on the TV.  I need to just grab my laptop and write before I do that.

So dear readers (all 5 of you, haha!), if it occurs to you, shoot me a message to encourage me to write.  Especially if I haven't posted in more than a week.

After all, isn't that the point of publicly sharing my goals with the world?  See, it's all up to you, really.

;-p

Just gotta write...

It has been way too long since I've posted.  Time has a way of getting away from me.  I'll be honest - I'm on Facebook way too much! Just scrolling through other people's posts, posts from various groups I'm in, and gathering ideas that I love but never actually implement.  It's a lot like Pinterest too - there are so many beautiful crafts and ideas there that other people have done but I don't, mainly because I'm too detail-oriented (everything has to be perfect to start something!).  I struggle with the idea of mistakes in my work, whether it is actually work or something for myself.  I can't just dive into something.

I feel like I have ADD...definitely not ADHD though.  I'm not hyperactive.  lol

I haven't been officially diagnosed with ADD but I feel like my attention span is lacking when I try to do any kind of projects, whether it is something like crochet or preparing for a Girl Scout meeting.  For instance, I'll decide it's time to sit down and come up with the agenda for my next meeting.  Well, I have to find my binder from the last meeting with all my notes.  Maybe I brought it in from the car or maybe not.  I look for it...then find other papers/notes/supplies that belong in that binder or with my PTA binder instead.  I decide I need to put them away so that when I'm ready to tackle that task, it will be there.  But where is that binder? Oh, that's still in the car.  I go out to the car...and find it and other things that should be put away in that binder too.  It's just like a scavenger hunt.

Yes, part of it is that I'm not completely organized.  I am in my mind because I do know where everything is or at least I can remember when the last time I saw something was.  I know where to go looking for that paper I might need.  But my house, like my mind, is not an organized haven.  I'm working on it though...very slowly.

This happens to me when I'm online too.  I'll check my email and find something I need to take care of.  I go hunting for the info I need to respond to the email or to send out the email I need to send.  But then I find a link on that page to something that sounds very interesting - maybe that would be great to include in my original email!  So I check it out...and before long, 30 minutes have passed that I've done nothing actually productive other than to find 3 more things I need to read/email/post about.

This is why I try to make lists for myself.  I feel so much more organize and on track when I see a list of things I need to accomplish.  The act of crossing something off my list is a great joy to me.  Also, breaking a job down into steps is very helpful too.  I tend to keep a task on my mental list for a long time if it is something I believe to be a complicated task.  Then it just keeps growing in my mind.  When I finally can't wait any longer and have to tackle it, it takes less time that I thought it would...and then I beat myself up over the procrastination.

Anyway, this post was an exercise in "Just Doing It".  I actually tried to do a blog plan for this...I took about 10 minutes searching my computer for a template that I KNOW I downloaded sometime ago about planning blog posts.  I finally got frustrated enough and realized that I'm just going to write whatever is in my mind.  I just wanted to write something.

And now I'm done.

Turning Points

Yesterday was a turning point for me in a couple of different ways.

First, my relationship with my daughter, M, changed for the better.  We had a major falling out on Sunday night about a certain class she was taking and Monday morning, we were still at odds.  So much so, that she barely said goodbye to me and that rocked me to my core.  I took the day off from work to wrap my brain around what had happened.  And I cleaned her room while she was at school.  You see, she's 15 years old, in 9th grade, and a typical teenager in that her room was a disaster.  While that wasn't what we fought over, it was a constant sticking point for me.  So, after breakfast and moping around the house, I got down to business.  I didn't do everything I wanted, but I made a huge dent in her room.  Part of the reason for me cleaning her room is because I feel like the clutter in causing clutter in her brain.  I know the feeling.  I am not the best housekeeper, but when I do clean up, I feel so much more at peace.  So, I did this to help her.

I tried to meet with her school counselor to talk to her about what was going on at school and then ran into her tennis coach.  This woman is amazing.  What every teacher should be - tries to teach to the whole child.  It was meant to be for me to run into her after trying to meet up with M's counselor.  She could see that things were not great and took a few minutes to talk to me.  And put me at ease about everything.  Gave me some helpful insight, tips on how to fix the situation, and helped me relax.  Most importantly, helped M relax.  I picked up M after my meetings and we went to Coffee Bean to sit and talk.  She was not in the mood, but she opened up after some prodding.  It was like opening up a dam.  We were there for almost 2 hours.  We got through some tough issues between us.  I feel like I'm always yelling at her.  She feels like all I ever do is criticize.  I feel like she doesn't hear me.  She feels like I don't care about anything except for school.  I feel like she is slipping away.  She feels like I don't understand what it is like to be a high schooler.

Typical mother-teenage daughter stuff.

But I know we made a breakthrough when I got home today and M was home before me - and put away the trash cans without me asking her.

Yup, she heard me yesterday.  I'm enjoying this renewed closeness...while it lasts!

The second turning point for me yesterday?  Starting this blog.

I've had blogs in the past.  I kept a pretty steady one when our family lived in South Korea and about a year after we came back.  http://priyabradfield.livejournal.com A lot of it is private now...it was a tumultuous time in my life.

I've had other blogs that I've tried to start up since that one.  Didn't keep them going.  Maybe I just didn't have the need before.  Maybe it's just right, now.  We'll see.  :)

Mommy is slightly lost.

Getting back to me is hard.  I've been "Mommy" for so long (15 years already!) that I sometimes forget what I was interested in before I had kids.  Hobbies I'm known for now - scrapbooking, volunteering, crochet - I picked up that stuff after the kids came along.  I read a lot more before, I think.  The perfect date night with my husband, Chris, was dinner, coffee, bookstore until midnight.  We miss Borders Bookstores.  Um, I worked a lot.  But then again, I had a full-time job outside of the home.  I played a lot of video games with my husband.  We still sometimes do that, but now we have to involve the girls.

I liked to write.  I got a journalism and international relations degree in college.  I have an opinion about the Oxford Comma.  (Yes, in case you were wondering.)  So, that is what I am returning to.  Writing.  Slowly.  Oh, so slowly.

This is a start.