Girl Power! (Or how I realized that I'm still craving strong female representation in superheroes at my age)

Chris and I went to see Captain Marvel in the theater over the weekend.  So....SPOILER ALERT!  I will be talking about parts of the movie.  You've been warned!!

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I found myself tearing up at moments, like when Carol Danvers was thinking back to all the times in her life that she was told she couldn't do something, she should give up, or she wasn't good enough.  Then there's a line that she says that made me fully sob out loud:  "I've been fighting with one arm tied behind my back, but what happens when I'm finally set free?"

OH. BOY.

Talk about the lives of women all over the world and throughout time!  This is the moment when Carol realizes in the movie that she's been held back from her full potential by her circumstances and by a lot of people around her (who happened to be male), and that all of that messed with her head.  Once she realizes this and sheds her past baggage, she lets loose and KICKS. ASS.

You hear a lot about people wanting and needing to be represented in the media.  Whether that is defined by gender, sexuality, or culture, it's becoming more important to have diversity in TV and movies so that many different people can identify with characters and stories.  But I'll be honest, I never thought that I needed that.

Until recently.

Wonder Woman really hit that point home for me.  When I was a kid, I LOVED that show when it starred Linda Carter.  But when I saw it in the theater, I started crying in the middle.  When Diana Prince was being strong, being feminine, showing compassion and empathy.  When she was questioning why things were the way they were.  But especially when she was being a leader - as Wonder Woman, she decided not to wait but to lead the charge across No Man's Land in that epic battle scene (well, one of the epic battles scenes - that whole movie was epic to me).

And then again during Captain Marvel - all those flashback scenes of Carol being held down or held back by men from childhood and throughout her life.  It hit me again.  I don't feel as though I've been held back quite like that in my life, because I have the most amazingly supportive father ever and I married a man who has rarely ever said no to me.  But it hit me (again) that our world is built to be systematically punishing to anyone who is not white and male.

I'll be 47 years old this year.  And I guess I'm still starving for strong kick-ass women in movies and TV.  I think there are more in TV than in movies, but there is something to be said for a female SUPERHERO headlining a blockbuster movie.  Or, as Carol Danvers says in the movie, "Heroes. Noble warrior heroes."  We need more Wonder Women.  We need more Captain Marvels.  We need more Black Panthers too.  We need more diversity on the big screen.  Our reality is so diverse that it's crazy that our media world is so homogenous.

And, if anything, the fact that all three of those movies I just referenced had ginormous opening box office weekends supports the desire for more representation.

What's the big deal about Political Correctness?

What does being "Politically Correct" mean?  According to Merriam-Webster Online, it means "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated"

I got into an argument with a "friend" on Facebook a few days ago and it didn't end well.  He was livid about having to be politically correct about the word "fag".  In his view, it used to mean "asshole" and why can't it still be used that way.

Guess what?  Times change.  People are living more authentically and out loud, regardless of who knows, and minorities are not just sitting down and shutting up.  They are learning that their place is no longer in silence or in the back of the bus or in the closet.  Those in power (and as a generalization that was straight, white, and male) could do and say whatever they wanted with very little regard to consequence.  They were allowed to also dole out consequences to people who would do and say things they didn't like.

Now, while there are still plenty of consequences for minorities and other groups to do and say what they want, but there is also more expectation that there be consequences for the previously-in-power when they say or do something that violates another person's well-being.  And they don't like that.  Hence their anger towards what they call Political Correctness.  Apparently we (liberals, minorities) are "snowflakes" when we want to be treated equality or with kindness or to have our very existence simply accepted.

I saw this online by Michael Bernard, a writer on HuffPost, Slate, and other such sites:
"Pro-tip: whenever someone is moaning about political correctness, ask them what it is they would like to say if they weren’t constrained. Then don’t be surprised if it is demeaning, derogatory or disrespectful to people who traditionally were considered inferior to the person."

Honestly, this is pretty spot on.  Political correctness isn't supposed to be about stifling freedom of expression.  It IS about acknowledging that there are others out there who are different from us and who deserve the same level of respect and acceptance as those who are traditionally allowed to simply live their life.

I think that a lot of opponents of political correctness don't quite understand it.  Here's a great example of this: 

It's not politically incorrect to say those things in a home and I don't believe that the majority of the left or politically correct crowd believes that any of these things are inherently wrong to say.  Someone said "Merry Christmas" to me the other day and I said it back, even though I am not Christian.  WHOA!  We celebrate it as a day to give gifts - not as a religious holiday.  But when someone said it to me, I said it back.  No big deal.  I say "Happy Holidays" because I acknowledge that there is more than one religion in the world and I live in a religiously-diverse city.  I don't say "God bless the USA" but I don't mind when someone else says - UNLESS it is to mean that no other country can also be blessed.  Tolerance is key - not necessarily acceptance.  There is a difference.

Getting back to the argument online I had, part of my response was that people who oppose using the word "fag" feel that way because of the derogatory nature in which that word is so often used.  The fact that he meant it to mean "asshole" about someone else proved my point right there.  But he didn't see that.  It was just a word, he claimed.  And that's what a lot of opponents of political correctness say - they are just words and people need to toughen up.

And yet:

What's really going on?

I was reminded this week that we don't have all the answers.  We never know, completely, what is going on in someone else's life.  People post what they eat, the crafts they make, the places they visit, their accomplishments, their dreams, and sometimes....rarely...the shit they go through.  Notice how most of those things I mentioned was the good stuff.  And it makes sense - we want to show off the ways in which our lives are going well.  We love our kids and want to show off their accomplishments.  We love our spouses and want to shout out about our love and our anniversaries.  We love our families and want to share their birthdays with everyone.  We post that stuff because most of us love attention.  And that's why we post the good stuff so that we get the likes and the hearts and the "congratulations!".

But it leaves us with a very shallow view of each other's lives.  This is the era of Facebook and Instagram.  And so we see all the wonderful things that our friends and family are doing.  But where are the hardships we are all going through?  The chronic illnesses, the divorces, the job losses, the struggles with our kids?  We all suffer through these.  But we are reluctant to share with the world and even sometimes with our own families.  And if we do, we post vaguely about needing prayers or we post to only certain people who we truly trust.  Why?  Are we ashamed?  Are we afraid?  Is it a sign of failure that you had an argument with your 16 year old and you lost your cool and swore at them?

Fuck that shit!

That felt good to say.

Do you know how many people in this world live with chronic illness?  And not only the kind you can see, but illnesses like diabetes (which I have), chronic pain (have that too), high blood pressure, heart disease, mental illness, alcoholism, etc.

Do you know how many people have gone through money problems or job losses?  I'll bet you that you probably know people who have gone on government assistance at some point in their lives but have never talked about it.  We have...sometimes after a job loss, you just can't get right back up on that horse and need a little bit of help.  You gotta do what you gotta do, especially when you have a family, right?

Do you know how many good parents have lost their cool with their kids at some point or another?  I have!  In fact, I suffered from postpartum depression after having my first child and was so depressed and sleep-deprived that my husband had to take the baby away from me because I was not able to handle the crying at all.  I felt like a failure - until I joined a support group and saw just how many other first time mothers felt the same way.

The point for this post is to say that we are all going through shit.  Medical shit. Financial shit.  Relationship shit.  Life is tough, no doubt.  And I talk about some of the stuff I'm going through.  But I am going to try to put more of my real self out there...it's scary as hell but I hope to have people get to know the real me, to be more authentic.

I think the world needs more of that.  After all, how can we have empathy for our fellow human being if we never see others struggle?