What's Making Me Happy This Week

1. Streaming services - in a time like this, it is nice not to have to depend on a place like Blockbusters or regular TV only.  Maybe it's not ideal and probably keeping us in front of the TV more than if we didn't have it, but it is nice to be able to search for movies or full runs of shows to keep our minds off of the real world.



2. Smart movies and TV shows.  There are so many GOOD movies and shows out there.  Yes, it's great to have the fun and not so serious stuff, but a really good smart show keeps my mind occupied more than something not so deep.
3. Speaking of good movies, I'm SO grateful that our kids can appreciate amazing old movies.  We are starting to watch movies off the American Film Institute's Top 100.  https://www.afi.com/afis-100-years-100-movies-10th-anniversary-edition/ On Sunday April 26th, we watched Rear Window (1954).  Damian chose it off the list.  They loved it!  What I found so interesting is that it is still a thriller - sometimes, scary movies don't hold up.  But because there are no special effects (well, except for one that was cheesy but didn't effect the enjoyment of the movie), the content of the movie was still so enjoyable and both kids were mesmerized to the end.  Hitchcock was definitely a master.


4. The ability to let go.  I was taking a psychology class at LAVC this spring.  After much debate, I dropped it because I just don't think I have it in me to continue it right now.  It was a tough class.  I am still taking sociology though.  
5. Incremental goals!  I set a goal of 20,000 steps last week and I did it!  Total of 21,235 steps for the week (plus another 215 on the one day I didn't go out last week).  Roughly 3,000 steps a day.

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Taking Stock: Fall 2017

In doing some research about Bullet Journaling, I came across this list on www.meatmeetsmike.com that many seem to use in Bullet Journaling.  I thought it would be a good way to end 2017 on my blog since I haven't posted since September.

September?!?! Honestly where has the time gone? I have thought of many topics to write about but just haven't done it.  I really want to change that but I'm not sure what the best recourse for that would be for me.  Two schools of thought: schedule it out once a week or even once a month or go all in with a sentence or two every day.

I'll get back to that in a bit to decide.

For now, taking stock of Fall 2017:

Making: Small efforts here and there.
Cooking: Curry.
Drinking: Wine.
Reading: What Happened? by Hillary Clinton; I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai. Also, A World History of Photography by Naomi Rosenblum for my History of Photography class at LAVC.
Next Read: Daughters of the Night Sky by Aimie K Runyan.
Wanting: A less cluttered home.
Looking: A bit more overweight. 😔
Playing: Gummy Drop!
Deciding: To start paying attention, real attention, to my health.
Wishing: For a society that didn't allow racism out in the open.
Enjoying: My children loving each other and being each other's best friends.
Waiting: For Trump to be impeached.
Liking: My electricity bill after we got the solar panels installed.
Wondering: About Damian's future who has been applying to colleges this Fall!
Loving: That Nadia loves her new high school!
Pondering: Small ways to improve our lives.
Considering: How to pay off some bills.
Buying: Amazon's Echo and automating our house.
Watching: Finished Firefly and all 7 seasons of The West Wing with Nadia!
Next watch: The Crown!
Hoping: To be a little less angry in 2018.
Marvelling: At the persistence of people in the fight for equality.
Cringing: At the persistence of the people in the fight for inequality.
Needing: To believe that things will right themselves in the coming years.
Questioning: How the time flew by and I have two kids in high school!
Smelling: Whatever candle I'm burning from Candles By Ari. 💟 I'm getting into the habit of burning a candle everyday if I'm home for an extended period of time.  I find that the gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) smells relax me.
Wearing: Comfy clothes.
Following: A bunch of new people on Instagram.  This past week, I've started looking into Bullet Journaling (as I said at the top).  It's supposed to be easy and simple - but too many people make it all fancy and pretty and Pinterest-y and that overwhelmed me earlier this year.  
Noticing: My hair needs to be colored again.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just accept it and let it go all gray naturally.  This in-between stage sucks though.
Knowing: That I need to make an effort to take care of myself.  I let myself go this Fall and my recent check up showed that.  
Thinking: About how much we did over the past 3 months.  September, we got Damian's name and gender legally changed.  October, Chris and I celebrated 23 years of marriage.  Also, my car died on the freeway during rush hour traffic, but the part that died was still under warranty!  So, STRESS and then not so much stress.  November, Damian got his first college acceptance letter! And he finished a couple of his other college applications.  And Nadia had a couple of shows/recitals.  She is thriving.
Admiring: Countries that have their health care systems in order.  Sure it may be a long wait to get surgery or something like that, but if I feel the need to not take my medication as often as I should because I need to make it last because of the damn health insurance, then me needing something more invasive will become inevitable.  Preventative care is the way to go - and that should be accessible to everyone.
Sorting: Through old clothes and things in the house.  We have too much stuff and I don't want it anymore.
Getting: To the point where I might just have to accept that we will never retire and travel the world.
Bookmarking: My doctor's patient portal so that it is staring me in the face so I check in with her often.
Coveting: Peace.  Really, that's all I want.  I don't need to be rich - just want the stress of things like credit cards, healthcare bills, and expensive surprises to go away.  And if those things went away, the income both Chris and I have now would be enough.  On top of it all, stress of looming college bills.
Disliking: That I have to gall to complain about all that when we have a roof over our head, food on the table, and our (relatively good) health.
Opening: All the mail every day.  I am making the decision to open all the mail every day so that I stop letting it pile up and get overwhelmed by the unopened mail.
Giggling: At the antics of Andy on Parks & Rec.  Damian and Chris quoted him to me earlier today when I was talking about going to the doctor and getting all the tests done.  There was an episode where Andy had to go to the doctor and had so much wrong with him.  But it was hilarious and I was giggling way past the time when they quoted him to me.  
Feeling: Good about the fact that I went to the doctor yesterday and have a plan to get myself back under control.
Snacking: NO!  I need to stop snacking - this is why I'm in the situation I'm in right now!  But last night I was snacking on Gorgonzola crackers from Trader's Joe.  Yum.
Hearing: Don and Paulette's dog barking.  But I like that right now because that means that it is warm enough outside to have our door open.  I know that the rest of the country is having some severe cold weather right now, so I'm thankful for what we have here in Southern California.

This was harder than I thought it would be to fill in all of these items.  

Counting my blessings

This topic has come up a couple of times in the last week.  I feel as though it is a thought that is being repeated to me because I need to hear it right now.

All too often, we focus on what's wrong in our lives.  How often do you respond to the question "How are you?" or "How's it going?" in a drab or even negative way?  I know I usually answer it with "I'm alright" or "oh, it's going."  But I almost never say "I'm doing great!"

My dad recently had to start taking insulin to control his diabetes.  He's 75 years old and has been diabetic for a while, but this is the first time he's had to take insulin shots.  I'm sure he's not happy about it, maybe even a little angry or depressed, but my mom took the attitude that he's had all this time without the need for insulin.  She was talking about how we should be thankful for the situation that we're in and not having to resort to insulin from an early age.  My mom talked about how she thinks of the children who have Type-1 diabetes.  Those parents who have to worry about insulin shots for their children as they go to school. And there are worse health problems than diabetes which, once diagnosed, can be managed.

My friend, Ari, talked about counting your blessings on her latest radio show and her latest blog post.  There is always someone who is worse off then you.  And it's true.  Whatever financial situation you're going through - someone else has to deal with worse.  Whatever health crisis you're going through - someone else has to deal with worse.  Whatever sucky job you're dealing with - someone else is a suckier job.

I think that in today's world, it is easier than ever to forget to count our blessings.  Whenever you go online, you see the amazing pictures of someone else's day or week.  I swear, since school let out two weeks ago, I've had, at the minimum, five Facebook friends who had a family vacation in Hawaii.  Was there an airline sale I missed??  Beautiful pictures of swimming in clear waters, playing on white sand beaches (and one black sand beach!!), eating the yummiest food all on the picturesque islands.  And it's so easy to compare yourself to what others present online and so easy to forget to count all that we have.

I will not forget that I have:

• a fun and loving family.
• a fun and loving extended family too!
• a non-leaky roof over my head.
• an AC that works in this insane heat wave we're having here in Southern California!
• enough to keep our bills paid, the lights on, and food in our fridge.
• friends who share their abundance.
• a couple of adventures of our own to look forward to this summer.
• a job to go back to when school starts up again.
• my health (for the most part) and my family's health.
• time to give back to my various communities.

I will not forget that I do have blessings to count.  I must try to remember to say "Great!" next time someone asks me how I'm doing.

What's really going on?

I was reminded this week that we don't have all the answers.  We never know, completely, what is going on in someone else's life.  People post what they eat, the crafts they make, the places they visit, their accomplishments, their dreams, and sometimes....rarely...the shit they go through.  Notice how most of those things I mentioned was the good stuff.  And it makes sense - we want to show off the ways in which our lives are going well.  We love our kids and want to show off their accomplishments.  We love our spouses and want to shout out about our love and our anniversaries.  We love our families and want to share their birthdays with everyone.  We post that stuff because most of us love attention.  And that's why we post the good stuff so that we get the likes and the hearts and the "congratulations!".

But it leaves us with a very shallow view of each other's lives.  This is the era of Facebook and Instagram.  And so we see all the wonderful things that our friends and family are doing.  But where are the hardships we are all going through?  The chronic illnesses, the divorces, the job losses, the struggles with our kids?  We all suffer through these.  But we are reluctant to share with the world and even sometimes with our own families.  And if we do, we post vaguely about needing prayers or we post to only certain people who we truly trust.  Why?  Are we ashamed?  Are we afraid?  Is it a sign of failure that you had an argument with your 16 year old and you lost your cool and swore at them?

Fuck that shit!

That felt good to say.

Do you know how many people in this world live with chronic illness?  And not only the kind you can see, but illnesses like diabetes (which I have), chronic pain (have that too), high blood pressure, heart disease, mental illness, alcoholism, etc.

Do you know how many people have gone through money problems or job losses?  I'll bet you that you probably know people who have gone on government assistance at some point in their lives but have never talked about it.  We have...sometimes after a job loss, you just can't get right back up on that horse and need a little bit of help.  You gotta do what you gotta do, especially when you have a family, right?

Do you know how many good parents have lost their cool with their kids at some point or another?  I have!  In fact, I suffered from postpartum depression after having my first child and was so depressed and sleep-deprived that my husband had to take the baby away from me because I was not able to handle the crying at all.  I felt like a failure - until I joined a support group and saw just how many other first time mothers felt the same way.

The point for this post is to say that we are all going through shit.  Medical shit. Financial shit.  Relationship shit.  Life is tough, no doubt.  And I talk about some of the stuff I'm going through.  But I am going to try to put more of my real self out there...it's scary as hell but I hope to have people get to know the real me, to be more authentic.

I think the world needs more of that.  After all, how can we have empathy for our fellow human being if we never see others struggle?

It takes a village...sniff, sniff

So, everyone has been sick in the house for the past 2-3 weeks except me.  I wasn't so worried because usually I don't catch whatever is going around.  I don't have the time to be sick (really, who does?) but it seems to be by sheer will that I fight the sicknesses off.

Until today.

Woke up this morning with a sore throat.  Ok, I've done that before without anything developing.  So, I gargled a bit, had a protein smoothie with fruit, had a banana during my break at school (which I normally don't do but there were leftover bananas from Breakfast in the Classroom).  Sipped on water all day long.  But I steadily got worse.  When I left work, my cold was full-blown.  Runny nose, stuffy head, headache, body aches (maybe even a slight fever?).

I came straight home and collapsed on the bed and posted a woe-is-me status on Facebook.  And within 30 minutes, 13 people had given me some kind of sympathy.  A couple had offered to bring me stuff if I needed something and my neighbor said she was going to drop off some cold medicine when she gets home from her work (this is in response to my post in which I said that we ran out of cold medicine because of Chris, Damian, and Nadia already having been sick before me).

As I was laying in bed typing this, I was thinking about how Damian is at a tennis match and won't know when he's done and Nadia has to get to her ballet class by 6pm (yay for my inlaws who are taking her to ballet!) and Chris is teaching over the hill so will be home late and I just want to sleep.  We know how much havoc a sick mom can cause on a household. And my village of moms out there totally get me.  

All this cheered me up.  After laying on the bed for a bit longer, I decided that what I needed was tea and honey.  I think I ended up putting a bit too much honey in my tea, but it was still good.  What was NOT good was sneezing 3 times in a row with the cup of hot tea in my hand, but at least I didn't burn myself!

I needed to use my Wonder Woman mug for my tea and honey.  I needed the strength. And the tall mug so I don't spill on myself every time I sneeze.

Ok, now I'm rambling a bit.  Anyway, the point of this quick blog post is that my village came through for me.  Not because of what people offered to do or did for me, but because when I posted that woe-is-me status, I got the sympathy that I needed to make me feel just a little bit better.  

Thank you.

Adventures in drinking water

One of the things I wanted to work on for the first quarter of the new year was to drink more water.  While I don't do New Year's Resolutions, I do like to pick a habit to work on.  It doesn't always happen though.  I'm not the best at setting myself up for success.

But still, I try.   On February 1st, I posted my goal which was to drink 32 ounces of water a day.  That's just two regular plastic water bottles worth (16.9 ounces each).  That's can't be that hard, right?  I know I could polish off a water bottle during a meeting, so I thought, one bottle during the morning at work, and one during the afternoon driving the kids around.  And I got so much encouragement from friends on Facebook and in real life.  I was buoyed by the enthusiasm.  Some even said they would do it with me!  And lots of suggestions on how to make it work.

For instance, one suggestion is to have a water bottle with me at all times.  Whether it is refillable or not, I should have water with me all the time.  I was doing that at the beginning of my endeavor.  The first couple of days, I was doing great!  Then one day I left my water bottle at work.  That's ok, I thought, I will try again the next day.  The next day, I left it in the car - and it was a hot day.  I even had a favorite water bottle...which I left somewhere and lost.

Another suggestion was to drink flavored water if I don't like plain.  My issue with that was when I left it in that hot car.  Ew.  Plain is ok warm, flavored is not.  Besides, plain water is ok, as long as it's cold.

Then someone suggested that I use an app to track my water consumption.  I got 3 different app suggestions.  So now, I have 4 different apps that roughly do the same thing that I don't use.

Well, that's it!  I'm going to try it again!  I just opened up one of my apps (which I don't like now because it doesn't have a way to post to Facebook - WTH?).  I just drank 8 ounces from a water bottle. If at first you don't succeed, write a blog post about it, and try, try again!