I recently posted a very whiny post on Facebook. Looking back at it, I complained about going a little crazy with the thought of sending my youngest across the country to a summer intensive for ballet. This is my 12 year old, I'm talking about! The one who leaves her phone on the kitchen counter and then freaks out when she can't find it (because she can't seem to retrace her steps to save her life).
Granted, she's never done the whole looking-for-her-phone-while-talking-on-it thing that I've maybe or maybe not done. I'll never admit to it.
Anyway, I posted about how scared I was about sending my daughter on a plane by herself to NYC. And I posted about it again. And then counting down the days. And finally one last post about it. Then I got the response: RELAX. That I worry too much.
Perhaps I do. I see lots of parents sending their kids off to summer camp for weeks, off to visit family without them, off to travel by themselves. But...this is the first time for me with Nadia, the first time this far away (she's going to NYC and Connecticut), and the first time for this long (3 1/2 weeks).
I've talked with friends when the kids were much younger about what would you do if they were given chances to study abroad, get picked to play/compete/dance with a big name in the event their talent was discovered at a young age. Would you encourage your child to take the leap, possibly giving up their childhood, freedom, making them leave home early to pursue their chosen field? This chance that Nadia has been given by Bolshoi was a very very small example of that. Extremely small tip of the iceberg for us. But we've already been asked if we'd be willing to let her to go Moscow to study if the chance was given. We've been told that we should seriously consider sending her to high school in NYC if dance is really her passion. We're not close to making those decisions yet, but those discussions have come up. And it's scary to think about the ramifications of a decision like that. How do you weigh growing up surrounded by family against a rare chance to fulfill a dream at a tender age? Thankfully, that discussion is left for another day (and another blog post).
So, getting back to my Facebook posts and the point of this post. Yes, I know I should relax. Yes, I know I shouldn't worry so much. And yet, I am a mother and that is what I do. And I know I'm not alone. So many other mommy friends chimed in to say that they understood.
"worry is natural. Don't feel guilty about it."
"Even though it's going to turn out great...it's still BRUTAL AND GUT-WRENCHING!!"
"It's ok to feel like this. Sending you lots of love and hugs!"
I didn't stop worrying but I didn't feel alone anymore. And that's pretty huge. I'm not the only one feeling this way - wanting to send my little birdie off into the world to pursue her dream but also wanting to keep her at home, with us, sleeping in during summer vacation, keeping her a kid for just one more year.
Thanks, mommy-friends, for easing the struggle a little bit. It helps to know that I'm not alone in my uncertainty, my fear, my anxiety.
<3
#BolshoiSummerIntensive #mommyanxiety #raisingdaughters
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