Unhappiness comes from believing that our life should be different than it currently is...

Ever notice that we crave lists?  To do lists, step-by-step instructions, shopping lists.  I know I need lists sometimes to make sense of my world.  I have so many balls juggling at once that I need to know by way of a list what ball NOT to drop.  What item can I not have go through the sieve that is sometimes my mind?

Most of the time, these lists are great.  They free up space in my brain or allow me to look at all the things I have to do and prioritize them so that I'm productive or catching my deadlines.  I get a great sense of accomplishment when I can cross off an item or two.  That's tangible progress!

Other times, my lists only go to show how far behind I am.  I try to cross off an item but then end up adding three more things to take its place.  My procrastination/low energy/Facebook habit has thwarted my productiveness! My list only goes to show how I'm not working faster or harder.  I'm not doing enough.

But...I am.  I'm doing exactly what I am capable of doing at this stage of my life.  I have to believe that.  I am who I am at this stage of my life.  And I have to be alright with that.  Because if I'm not alright with who I am now, how will I be alright with the person I will be in the future?

Unhappiness comes from believing that our life should be different than it currently is.  So, what's the inverse of that?  Happiness comes from believing that our life is how it should be at this moment in time.  That doesn't mean that it can't be different than what it is now.  Of course we have the power to change.  But the power to change doesn't invalidate who we are right now.  Our current state of being is who we need to be NOW to be the person we want to be in the FUTURE.  We just have to trust ourselves enough to evolve from the NOW to the FUTURE.

And by "we", I mean "me".

I'm a terrible housewife

This is my house right now.  It's a freaking mess.  And it does bother me, but I guess not enough that I feel the urgent need to do anything about it at the moment.  Instead, let me take a picture and share!  Kinda like the moms who take pictures of their crying/screaming kids and share those.  Oh, wait, I've done that too.

Friday, after work, I came home and met up with another Girl Scout leader who was picking up Girl Scout Cookies from me.  I walked in the door with her and this was the scene that greeted us.  I usually would instantly say "don't mind my house, it's such a mess" but I found myself not apologizing.  Later, Chris (my husband for those of you who don't know) was teasing me about walking in the front door and sighing really loudly even in the middle of talking to someone else.  My family frequently teases me about my sighing.  I do it unconsciously and loudly apparently.  When my girls were little, Chris would ask them "what does a doggy say?" and they would answer "Woof!".  "What does a kitty say?" "Meow!" "What does a mommy say?" They would sigh really loudly.

Ha, ha, very funny.  *sigh*

Anyway, I was a bit defensive because I responded "Well, maybe it's because I come home and see all the shit I have to do!".

And then I proceeded to get lunch and sit down at the equally messy table that houses my laptop to check email.  My laptop which, coincidentally, has 20 tabs open because I seem to have adult-onset ADD.  Again, messy.

What's funny (or ironic, you pick) is that I belong to Facebook groups about clearing up clutter and getting your finances in order and "fast" healthy recipes that I should be cooking for my family every night.  I guess I like seeing progress that other people are making...or I like torturing myself.  Probably both.

I'm getting to the point where I just don't care who sees my house in this state (although I'm definitely NOT sharing a picture of my kitchen!).  Maybe it's just that I've given up on having that picture-perfect house.  Maybe it's because I would rather come home after a long week and plop down on the couches with my family and watch our weekly run of TV shows we love instead of cleaning.  (In case you were wondering, currently those are The Flash, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow, and Agent Carter.)

Or maybe it's so I have something kinda interesting to blog about!